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Overcome Anger Before it Ruins your Relationships

Humans are social animals; they cannot survive without each other and this is why they build relationships that are the basis of a healthy society. Relations are the most important need of a human for his or her emotional wellbeing, but it is not always easy to maintain a healthy relation. We may destroy our social and emotional bonding due to unbalanced emotions; anger is one such emotion many of us deal with on a regular basis. 
Anger is a basic, social and in some cases even a healthy emotion, which is necessary to express. Anger is an automatic response to a threat, pain, sadness, guilt, fear, loss, anxiety, rejection, feeling of hurt, shame, injustice, judgment, disappointment and is a natural mechanism to defend oneself. Interesting fact about anger is that ‘it can be a substitute emotion’. People just try to hide their primary emotion through showing anger, but this distraction is temporary. This conscious or unconscious transformation of emotions cannot resolve problems but generates new problems. Anger is a puffer-fish phenomenon, which makes people think that they are more powerful but they do not realize that they are not expressing their primary emotion.
As mentioned above, in some cases anger is not a bad behavior but its bad expression can make things ugly. When anger is not well managed, it has the power to destroy everything around you. Uncontrolled anger will harm others but primarily it affects you and your body. If anger is not properly channelized, stress hormones are released, which may further increase your heart rate, blood pressure, arterial tension, blood glucose level, blood fatty acid level and they all result in a stroke or a heart attack. Anger may damage your immune system, digestive system, eyesight, and also results in headaches and migraines. 
In addition to negative health outcomes a person can face external issues due to anger. Destructive anger leads to unrepairable loss, specially when it is expressed with family, friends and colleagues. This unpleasant emotion can affect people around you; they will distance themselves from you due to the negative energy. Unmanaged anger can lead to arguments, abuse, violence and even usage of drugs. The basic outcome of uncontrolled anger is humiliation for both the individuals involved. Firstly, the victim of anger feels humiliated because this unwanted verbal abuse may hurt their self-respect and decreases their confidence and morale. On the other hand, the person who expresses themselves aggressively, will definitely feel guilt and shame for the aggressive behaviour. 
Anger between partners may be considered as inevitable but if you express unnecessary anger with your spouse for prolonged period or at frequent instances, it will have negative influence on your marital life. A healthy relationship turns into a disaster when trust vanishes from it and this is the worst result of anger in an intimate relationship. Your partner starts hiding things to avoid your anger. If this situation prevails for a long period, it may result in domestic violence, which can further lead to legal sanctions. In this situation, nobody will like to continue the toxic relationship. When children witness these unfortunate events, it is likely to affect their personality and in future it can become basis of many psychological and social problems. It has been proven through research that children of aggressive parents may adopt similar behavior. They may be less vicarious, are often depressed, are more delinquent and face problems in overall adjustments in life.
When anger settles its roots in friendship, the outcome will be damaging and in some cases reciprocal as well. Your closest friends will avoid your company because of your severe emotion. As a result, you will lose your support network and will be unable to get sound advice on critical issues of life. Friends are the best self of you, you need them in every phase of life, but toxic outburst can ruin this pure relationship and cause distance between friends.


Whenever you are in an explosive mood, try to avoid conversation, leave the place (if possible), have a glass of water, take a deep breath, try relaxing your nerves, start positive self-talk, think before you speak, express yourself when you feel relaxed and never hold a grudge.


Anger is an emotion, which is hard to take back, specially at a workplace where you can suffer considerable outcomes. You may build bad reputation, people will not like to work with you, it will be hard for you to develop a successful career as you may be involved in conflicts. Your anger may make interactions tense, which leads to bad communication between team members.
We all know that nobody is perfect, we make mistakes and we learn from these mistakes. Whenever you are in an explosive mood, try to avoid conversation, leave the place (if possible), have a glass of water, take a deep breath, try relaxing your nerves, start positive self-talk, think before you speak, express yourself when you feel relaxed and never hold a grudge. In our culture, family is a basic unit of the society and husband and wife are the key to a healthy family; they need to focus more on each other as much as the rest of the family members. All couples must express themselves because suppressing anger will only have damaging effects, not only for the couple but the family as a whole. Couples should be aware of what triggers anger in one another to be able to deal with it. They should try to have dialogue on contentious issues and try to learn each other’s perspective to help in conflict and anger management. Understanding anger triggers is important because this will help in devising coping mechanisms for the individual and will also help them in managing those incidences better. Similarly, when parents and children do not recognize the early signs of anger issues and are unable to redirect them, it leads to unrepairable loss. Learn to stay quiet when you are angry, take a deep breath and focus on each breath, start counting from 0-10 silently, leave the area, find some distraction like watering the plants, go for a walk, take a shower, write or draw, etc. Some kids have anger outburst frequently, which the parents need to control and while also teaching their child to identify the problem. To control your angry bird try to talk to them instead of fighting with them; dialogue is a great way to solve any issue faster and better.
To manage anger, work continuously on yourself. Long term strategies to overcome anger, such as physical exercise, taking a break from your busy schedule, preparing yourself for identifying possible solutions, being respectful and specific about issues, using humor to relax, trying to feel other’s perspective, practicing good listening skills and expressing yourself without becoming defensive. If your anger goes beyond the limits, seek help from a professional counselor. 
Anger is a normal emotion, which conveys a message, just try to read this message or get help to figure it out. Sometimes there is a valid reason to be angry and one should be expressive about it. Anger becomes a problem when it is expressed in a negative way. Uncontrolled anger has the power to ruin every relationship. There is a saying: Control your anger, before it controls you. HH


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